Loss. It is part of our lives and naturally part of the teachings of the Buddha. We are encouraged to reflect on a daily basis that we will be separated from all that we hold dear. One pair of the “worldly winds” which tug us in opposing directions is “gain and loss”.
We lose small material things, which can be low in monetary value but very special to us. We lose mental states, such as deep collectedness, which may be difficult to reestablish. And sometimes we lose the people closest to us.
Jeff guided our reflections this week, sharing a Dhamma talk titled “Opening to Loss” given by Brian Lesage at a retreat earlier in November. Brian explores the range of loss in our lives, bringing to bear several poems about loss as well as Buddhist stories and dhammic perspectives on loss.
You can listen to Brian’s talk here: https://dharmaseed.org/talks/81002/
When we experience loss we often think, “it was not supposed to happen like this.”
One of five daily reflections has been translated as follows: Everything that is dear and delightful to me shall change and vanish. We can interpret this as meaning that when we die, we will lose everything, which may be easier to accept in an intellectual sense. In reality, we experience loss to varying degrees throughout our lives, often when we are not prepared. We are surprised by something because we did not expect it, and then we do not want to experience the results. Hence the pain of loss.
Ananda’s reaction to loss includes a lack of clarity about the Buddha’s teachings. We can have difficulty with our practice after loss, to the point of stepping away from our routine practice.
From Mary Oliver’s poem: “It’s not the weight you carry, but how you carry it. Books, bricks, grief: it’s all in the way you embrace it, balance it, carry it when you cannot and would not put it down.”
The tapestry of grief can be complicated: deep pain, poignancy, bittersweetness, joyfulness, gratitude, relief.
Our practice can include setting aside the content and fully feeling the undulations and the reverberations in the body. We can fully feel emotion with capacity.
Things can become precious after they are lost.
Finally we also heard the poem Museé des Beaux Arts, which you can read here. It references the painting Landscape with The Fall of Icarus.
