Division within our communities appears to have reached new highs, or lows, depending on your perspective. Regardless of which side of an issue we identify with, it seems that half of our community takes an opposite view. The escalation from mild disagreement to threatened and then actual violence has rocked our world. How can we hold people accountable while still holding them in our hearts? This is not a new question and Buddhism provides some suggestions.
This week, Jeff H turned to two Buddhists who have led a monastic life to provide perspectives on using elements of love to try to heal our community.
Kaira Jewel Lingo presented a talk on January 12, 2021 titled “Equanimity and Loving Our Enemies within the Framework of the Four Brahmaviharas”. You can listen to this talk here: https://dharmaseed.org/talks/audio_player/1012/63628.html
Jaya Rudgard presented a talk on January 20, 2020 titled “Reflections on Metta for difficult people”. Jaya’s talk can be heard here: https://www.dharmaseed.org/talks/audio_player/566/60349.html
Some thoughts that resonated for Jeff from Kaira Jewel Lingo:
• If we had less contempt for people with opposing viewpoints, people with even more extreme viewpoints may be less compelling for others to follow
• She offers the image of one hand raised to stop someone from doing harm and the other hand outstretched in an offer of reconciliation
• She reminds us that “us is them is us”
• If we see through the illusion of separation, healing is possible
• We can hold someone accountable and not be consumed by ill-will
• Ill-will harms us more than the object of ill-will
• Equanimity enables us to remain impartial during a conflict
• This is an advanced practice
• To do this we put ourselves in the skin of the other person
• Equanimity knows how to not make things worse when suffering arises
Some thoughts that resonated for Jeff from Jaya Rudgard:
• We do not need to like someone to practice metta
• A lack of ill will is enough, and is actually a high bar if applied universally
• Wishing people ease and peace will make a better world
• “May they be free from ill will”
• “May they be safe” can mean “safe to be around”
• Feeling ill will towards some causing harm does not help us
• The Buddha provided the analogy of picking up a burning coal to throw it at someone to cause them harm – it will cause us harm first
• Starting metta practice will “easier” people may help make room for the difficult person
• Taking the relationship as the object of metta can help
• “May we both find the healing that we need”
• The purpose is to open our heart so that we are not shutting people out
• The image of one hand raised and one outstretched is offer again
• The raised hand is setting a boundary
• The outstretched hand is keeping the heart open
• The challenge is to set clear boundaries without ill will
Overall themes
Both teachers suggested the image of one hand raised and one outstretched
• The raised hand is setting a boundary
• The outstretched hand is keeping the heart open
Burlington Buddhist Sangha 